Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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