hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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