I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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