I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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