Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
