I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
