Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
