he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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