I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The uberlube is also flammable
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
