somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
