I feel great
I just peed on a car
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
