I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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