Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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