you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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