This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
