I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
