so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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