peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
