Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
