i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
