What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
