just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
