I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The uberlube is also flammable
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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