saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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