Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
