i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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