I'm really into asian looking animals
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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