I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
