I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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