Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
