you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
