Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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