so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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