An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and she was petting her beer can
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Randomize
