im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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