I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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