if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
