I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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