Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
