It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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