the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
