Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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