Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize