I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize