I could have mohawked her pubes.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
