My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize