i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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