I've blown a few things in my day
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
