Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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