He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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