We won't sleep together?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
