remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
