Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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