i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
