I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
