I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
