He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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