remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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