I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
