Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
