There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
