Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
