Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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