So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
