is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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