i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
