You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
