trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How does one acquire holy water?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
