I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
