So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
