why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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