I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
