my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
