apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
