Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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