my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
